i will post some directly here with more commentary when i have the time to wait for them to upload, but in the meantime, please enjoy!


things have been incredibly busy here, one paper after another.  i spend a great deal of time in the library, and i am learning so much. the one thing that is beginning to bother me also scares me a little. i’ve never had much of a problem with maintaining a holistic personality.  my creative and academic sides have never really butted heads – they’ve either kept to their own things or been able to collaborate.  however, these past few weeks i’ve been feeling a tension which i don’t often feel.  it could be the fact that i am studying nothing but straight philosophy, with nothing to break it up; or that i sit in the library for hours on end; or that the pressure is on to plan for the future – but i find myself being tossed back and forth between relishing my philosophical studies and well, not relishing them so much.  i’ll either be thrilling in interpretations of kant’s transcendental idealism, or wishing that i could run outside blasting music in my headphones, writing for pleasure, cooking, and enjoying a simple life.  the more of this work i do, the more apparent it becomes that this could very well be the type of life i lead for a very long time.  it has never struck me so strongly just how much each decision shapes my future.  i feel as if, with each day that goes by, i am saying farewell to another alternate life i could have led.  i’m not writing this to be morbid, but i guess it’s finally hit me that i am not going to be able to do it all.  i cannot live the life of a professor, musician, homemaker, actress, writer, and world traveller all at once.  they each take effort and time to develop and realise, and my time is being spent doing other things.  so now that i’m putting so much time into developing a part of me that is really rewarding, i’m noticing that, in order to make my time spent worthwhile, i sometimes need to neglect other areas. i can’t do it all. and it’s killing me.

but, enough with my introspective mood swings! this evening i’m leaving for a long weekend in dublin, ireland! i’ve been working hard all week so that i can afford to take this time off and now i’m just ready to crash and burn.  i’m not terribly excited to see the city, but we are going to go out to a smaller town on the shore at some point. that is what i’m looking forward to. the irish countryside should be enchanting (especially with all the rain forecasted – i’m bringing my rain boots and umbrella!)