once again, it’s the night before i leave a place i can’t imagine leaving.

the internet and phone mysteriously died on friday afternoon, or i would have been on here processing sooner. honestly though, i probably wouldn’t have, because i’ve been so busy! making the last beds, hiking trails for the first and last times. tonight, i gave in and bought a quick bit of internet just to let you all know what’s going on. actually, i really needed to buy minutes for my tracfone… anyways… it’s almost 1 am my time and the little warning triangle just popped up next to my battery icon, so i’ll keep this brief. though i’m essentially all packed, i still have some cleaning and closing of the inn things to do in the morning. before church, i’ll load my things into kate’s truck, and then head to music rehearsal. after service, we’ll hit the road. for the next 5 days, we’ll be driving, mostly in canada. hopefully i’ll be able to keep you all posted, but if not, don’t panic.

these hours are always a terrifying mix of the real and unreal. it’s almost a disbelief at the reality which is so quickly approaching me, and panic in feeling its true weight. with all the preparation i’ve done for ending my job and leaving haines, i’d forgotten the sensations of moving. of knowing that i’m leaving behind my life, sealing it with my departure as an irrecoverable part of my history. does this ever lose its force? as ready as i am for something new, i don’t know if i’m prepared to let go of the old.

see you on the other side

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